Why Some Men Don’t Like Church

15 01 2009

This is a great article Why Some Men Don’t Like Church.” David Coughlin nails 10 great reasons why men struggle with church. I believe that in many ways, the church is to blame.

1. Men are told over and over to be innocent as doves, but are not shown or encouraged to be wise as serpents.

2. We preach from the NGB: Nice Guy Bible (Retail Price: Your Soul). We emphasize the sweet stuff and let the tougher stuff go right on by.

3. We contend that the ideal Christian man is unemotional and if married, sacrifices everything for his wife.

4. Men have been told to avoid anger at all costs, which isn’t what the Bible says.

5. We promote a dangerous caricature of “gentle Jesus meek and mild,” …This caricature has encouraged Christian men to be nice to a fault, damaging their lives and those who are under their timid care.

6. Men, compared to women, are a problem to be fixed instead of a gender to be appreciated at church.

7. The church and Christian radio have failed to support a married man’s need for regular sexual intimacy with his wife, which is an insult and a betrayal. We are men, not eunuchs.

8. Christian men are unintentionally encouraged to become the plaything of other men in a misguided attempt to bolster their “Christian witness.”…Bold men are both rare and not really welcomed at church.

9. We unintentionally create spiritual veal: overprotected children who are taught to embrace false humility and false meekness

10. Worship music is often too sentimental for guy tastes.

When it comes to the issue so sex, Coughlin makes this wildly insightful observation. “After the sermon I talked with another married guy, a former missionary who told me that his wife leaned over to him and asked during the homily, “Are you attracted to other women?” He bravely answered, “I find other women attractive when I’m not sexually satisfied at home.” These may be tough words to hear, but they are true for many men. To pretend like they are not is to deny reality and the real heart and struggle of many men. We ignore them at the expense of healthy families.”

Couglin offers what should have been added to the Biblical message. “Now ladies, I want to help you as well. As we both know, your husband’s sexual desires don’t exist in a vacuum. They are tied to you as well. You can help your husband in his battle for sexual purity by doing what you can to become the object of his sexual desires

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